what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
