you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
