Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize