Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
