Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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