LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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