Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
