Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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