After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
