He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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