Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
