"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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