he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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