I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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