don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
