we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
