sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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