so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
