i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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