My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
