A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
