Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
