On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
