I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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