Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
