You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
