You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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