Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
