Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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