The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
