I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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