You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I looked at my own cervix.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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