peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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