i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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