Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
