thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize