Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
