I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
