i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
