Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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