you traded sex for a burrito?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize