i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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