Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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