You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
