Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
