mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got chris browned last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
