what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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