Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
