You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
