i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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