wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
