if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
