saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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