It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
