Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
