dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
