Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
