I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize