Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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