I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
