Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
