i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will be naked everywhere
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
