smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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