You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
