the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
