I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
