you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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