I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
