I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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