When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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