listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
