my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
