the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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