I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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