I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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