it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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